I can hear you thinking Well, that’s not quite true, and I can hear myself thinking the same thing even as I type it…bear with me.  This is a somewhat abstract concept.  If someone attacks you, and you employ a soft redirecting technique that puts their face into a curb, most people would call that a fight, and call you the victor. On a physical level though, you’ve minimized the conflict by thwarting the attacker’s intended violence.  In this hypothetical scenario, you didn’t play their game, you did something different.

Let’s take a typical bar fight.  In my experience, these situations arise from a perceived slight rubbing someone’s ego the wrong way.  Once one party decides to take (or feign) umbrage, the other party can either deescalate or escalate the situation.  Hormones and alcohol being what they are, things usually escalate if only for a bit before someone intervenes.  It’s like the analogy of an immovable object and an unstoppable force.  Lots of banging around, pretty ugly, not very productive.

Now, I’ve used the above scenario because it’s a cliche we can all imagine easily enough.  In real life though, these situations can arise anywhere.  Some of the worst fights arise from an unexpected conflict, where neither party wants to back down.  I knew one guy who nearly got into a gunfight over road rage.  Seriously. Now, think about how many opportunities there were for both guys involved to simply back down before things got too serious.  The sight of a gun on the other guy’s hip brought both their senses in this case, but that is not always the case.

In terms of actual physical conflict, “not fighting” yields practical results.  By focusing on deescalating the conflict as quickly as possible, you avoid fighting the other guy’s fight.  You don’t play his game.  Depending on the environment, you may take any action from walking away to rendering them unconscious. ( It should go without saying that this is dictated by sound judgment and observing the law…don’t paralyze someone for calling you names.)

Over the years, I’ve found that simple advice from my Sensei keeps coming back, imparting a little more wisdom each time.  I’ve gotten out of some sticky situations, avoided some others, and physically dominated fighters with the same strategy; I didn’t fight their fight.

At any rate, my pal referenced some stats that are often quoted about training related to knives among law enforcement types, and pointed out that a knife is a dangerous object even in the hands of someone with no training.  The usual laptop warrior dialogue ensued, with readers commenting on the latest in firearms training and so on.  That’s fine, heck, I’m sounding off now; it’s a free country.

One person made a remark that surprised and bothered me though.  To paraphrase, it was suggested that a person wielding a knife without training was not particularly dangerous.  I tried to bite my tongue, but this is the sort of idea that can get out of hand quickly, and I think it’s dangerous enough to warrant some comment.

I’ve personally spent years training in martial arts with an emphasis on knives. I handle knives every single day.  I have collected knives most of my life.  I know more about knives than probably any other subject.  Here’s what needs to be understood by everyone, everywhere:  Knives are inherently dangerous objects.  With some exceptions, what makes them dangerous is that they have a sharp edge and/or a sharp point.  All it takes to hurt someone with a knife is the desire to harm them…or carelessness.

Now, with that understanding, knives are invaluable tools as well, and as self defense is a basic human right, the use of a weapon will at times be justified.  The point (heh) here is that if you are training in self defense in any way, you need to realize that a person holding a knife is armed with a lethal weapon.

On the flip side, if you intend to ever use a knife in a morally justified defensive manner, you need to be honest with yourself  about the consequences.  Knives of any sort are considered lethal weapons if it comes down to a conflict.  They also create awful, gruesome wounds, and expose the user to the potential for infection from blood borne diseases.  Anyone who has accidentally cut themselves in the kitchen can only imagine the shock and pain of a large, deliberate cut.  (By the way, I recommend a good bread knife to avoid such things.  Most people cut themselves trying to force a dull knife through a bagel.  Now you know where I was going with that.)

Plenty of other trainers have written on this topic, do your own research.  Google “knife wounds” and brace yourself.  Draw your own conclusions.  Just don’t believe everything your read.  Stay safe.

Wow.  Really?

I’ve been railing about this for years, and I’m not alone.  I’m posting  about it here not to preach about the evils of cell phones per se, but to look at the bigger picture of personal safety.  People engage in dangerous activities all the time, actions that they could choose not to undertake.  Since I’m not a psychiatrist, sociologist, or any -ist, the following observations will have to fall under the heading of “common sense”.  I do come to this topic from the perspective of a self defense instructor and concerned citizen, make of that what you will.  Here are a couple of  habits we have that bear consideration, as they affect public safety:

1.  Doing Dangerous Things Without Thought

We love our cell phones…or maybe we’re just addicted to them.  There’s a massive industry that creates and markets new personal electronic devices, and we seem to be hooked.  I can’t tell you how many people I see making phone calls as they start their car.  They have put their attention into the phone before even starting the engine.

I strongly believe that this is a result of unconscious social conditioning.  In a word, it’s fashionable.  People invariably get offended when I suggest this.  Bear in mind, it’s not a conscious decision, it’s an unconsious response to our social setting.  We see other people doing things, and we respond by trying it out.  (Will someone please put a stop to this trend of putting your feet up on the dashboard, btw?  It’s dangerous if you crash, and it’s kinda gross.) These patterns of behavior seem to take on a life of their own, but the fact is that if we are mindful or our actions, we can make our own decisions.

Dangerous actions related to driving would fill a book alone, but there are plenty of other examples.  Leaving children unattended in favor of some distraction, partaking in risky behavior like smoking or drinking to excess.  We’ll find excuses to justify these actions, and if everyone else is doing it, it’s that much easier.

The fact is, you can still make your own decisions.  Don’t wait 20 years for some study to tell you that you’ve been endangering yourself, you might not make it that far.

2.  Protecting Our Egos Instead of Ourselves

I see this a great deal working as a doorman in a high volume nightclub.  It’s something most of us do to some degree, and alcohol only adds to the tendency.  Alcohol plus testosterone equals some serious posturing.  This cliche scenario of 100 drunk guys all trying to be the Alpha dog is familiar to most, and is played to comic effect in movies.  There are many other manifestations of this habit though, and we would be a lot safer if we looked out for it ourselves.

As a self defense instructor, one version I see is a person acquiring a weapon, ostensibly for personal protection, but not training to use it. Now, I’m an advocate of self defense, make no mistake, and I do think weapons have a legitimate place in a lawful society.  The risk here is that a person has a weapon, be it lethal or not, and equates the object itself with being protected.  It is easy to make a purchase, and feel as though you have taken action. The person who does this doesn’t really feel any safer, because they know , deep down, that they haven’t done anything to reduce fear and uncertainty.

With the ego threatened, this person will make excuses for not needing to train, or bolster their defenses by acquiring more weapons.

They may even train very hard, but if all they’re protecting is their ego, they will put themselves at greater risk, challenging others in a futile, unending attempt to establish dominance.

(Another example I see all too often is driving a massive SUV, because it’s “safe”…in a dangerous manner.  If you drive a ten ton road behemoth for “the safety of your children”, please don’t talk on the phone and smoke while they are in the backseat.  Other people have children too.  Imagine that!)

On the flip side, we have what is called the “ostrich defense” whereupon a person puts their head in the sand, and avoids the subject of personal safety, because it’s unpleasant to think about.  We don’t think of these people as ‘egotistical’ in the stereotypical way, but being in denial really is a way of defending your sense of self.  It doesn’t work in the long run though, because the real world doesn’t go away when you shut your eyes.  It will be waiting when you open them.

I think most of us exist somewhere between these two extremes.  Depending on our mood, we can manifest either the alpha dog or the ostrich.  If we stop and observe our actions once in a while, we can reduce the odds that these characters will make bad decisions for us.

With all that said, there are some good habits we can engage in to counter these tendencies.  Perhaps the most inclusive is considering the well being of others.  If we make ourselves responsible for the safety of other people, we’ll find ourselves making more prudent decisions that benefit everyone.  This really does promote thinking before you act.  If you make a practice of this, I can assure you will see it having  a positive effect on those around you. Just as we have picked up some dangerous habits unconsciously, we can also spread safe habits.

These are all good, conscientious people.  This scenario is one I’ve seen many times before.  The subject of personal safety is one upon which everyone seems to have an opinion.  In reality, their statements reflect both their personal concerns, and what they’ve been lead to believe from assorted sources.  While it isn’t my intention to criticize these people, their comments showed a flaw in the way most people think about personal safety.  They tend to think about specific responses to hypothetical threats, rather than a holistic approach to protecting themselves.

Above all else, I strive to show people how to increase their awareness skills.  Every other tool you have at your disposal for personal protection becomes more useful if you cultivate awareness.

I’ve come to this conclusion after years of training and watching others train.  There is a glut of information on different fighting styles, weapons, and self defense systems.  Too often, the idea of awareness is tossed out as an afterthought.  There are plenty of resources for increasing one’s awareness as well, but they are rarely given the credit they deserve in the area of personal protection.  It is worth noting that mindfulness based practices such as yoga, meditation, and t’ai chi have been used to good effect in other areas of health and wellness, to the point that physicians actually prescribe such practices as part of treatment plans.

We have entered an age when most people are familiar with the idea of using meditation as a means of reducing stress, even if their perception of this practice isn’t entirely accurate.  We have also entered an age when the average person is familiar with elements of hand to hand combat, both through fictional portayals and the popularity of combat sports. (I can assure you that these perceptions aren’t accurate, but that’s another blog.)  Despite this, we have somehow overlooked the importance of awareness skills in avoiding violence.

I suspect this is the net result of many factors.  We live in a culture filled with technology that diverts our attention to a focused point, and away from our surroundings.  We also interact in remote ways that reduce our need to read body language, and most of us aren’t hunting and gathering to stay alive.  Our inherent survival skills have been dulled through disuse.  The good news is that we still have them, physically, genetically. We just need to pay attention to them.  This is a very broad subject, but I’ll hit on a few key points that I always share with students:

1.  Please think before you use your cell phone. Cell phones are a blessing and a curse in my opinion.  They can be a lifesaver, but so many of us have grown to use them out of habit, and at great risk to ourselves. No matter how good you are at multitasking, if you are talking on the phone, you aren’t paying full attention to your surroundings.

2.  Practice using your peripheral vision. This is of tremendous importance.  In my classes, I have students practice several drills to demonstrate how powerful peripheral vision is.  In one, I have students approach one another from behind, and the person being approached raises their hand when they detect movement.  In some cases, the student will see movement at an angle greater than 90 degrees from where they are looking.  That means they can perceive movement slightly behind them, without moving their eyes. Think about that.

A great way to practice this skill is to go to a place such as a shopping mall, and practice as you walk.  Be careful, and as you walk, let your eyes rest on a distant object.  As you move, keep your eyes up and ahead, but watch the people passing by you.  I guarantee that you will notice two things. :

1.  You can see more than one person at a time, and

2.  You will notice when people are looking at you.

Body language becomes much more visible with peripheral vision.  Movement, in general, is much more noticeable.  Details will be fuzzy, and you can’t read or do math with your periphery.  You may find yourself getting aggravated because of this, and continually turn to focus on things at first.  Be patient, and relax.  This is a  type of meditation in it’s own right. You have your whole life to get better.

As a final thought, consider this…your eyes are already doing this every day.  However, your mind has decided to focus on other things, and probably with good reason.  You have a job, things to read, and so on.  You were born with a remarkable innate ability to protect yourself, and the tools to do so are at your disposal as soon as you choose to notice them. You already have this skill within you, go get reacquainted with it!

I’ll see you at the mall.

What happened?

As with a lot of these classes that I have witnessed over the years, the emphasis is on speed. The issue with the focus on speed is that beginners, when their technique or anatomical understanding is lacking they speed up and compensate with force. They also don’t understand have the kinesthetic sense of the limitations of a training partner’s joints.

My sensei Peter Freedman would always have us train slow for learning, medium speed for practice, and reserve fast for combat. Slow training while learning has HUGE advantages:

• It more quickly develops the neural pathpays to do the movements making them more efficient over time
• It allows for corrections that would be missed otherwise
• It allows the body to learn to shift balance appropriately – a key to power generation
• It’s generally safer – especially for beginners
• It allows instructors to notice and correct improper movements.

Slow practice will make you better faster. Freedman Sensei uses the analogy of driving a car. What would happen if, the very first time everybody drove a car they just got in and drove as fast as the car could possibly go?

There’s one additional benefit of slow practice – overcoming the ego. Beginners with self-esteem problems are always the most dangerous people to train with. They tend to go too fast with too much power, afraid to let anybody see their imperfections. It’s good for them to be forced to go slow and highlight their imperfections and correct them. It’s good for training to feel safe to fail.